Magical Science
by ASHPD Development
Summary: Harry Potter finds himself in aperture science after a bought of accidental magic. GlaDOS takes him in, seeing him as being cruelly mistreated, far more so than anything she would ever do, and he becomes a scientist. Later, a unicorn named Dinky Doo shows up, and the two develop science magic. With turrets, portals, and corrupt cores, Hogwarts won't know what hit it. HP/P/MLP
1. Prologue

"_**GLaDOS"**_

"_**Wheatley"**_

"_Turret"_

"_Turet"_

_**'Where did this child come from?'**_ GLaDOS thinks to herself, staring with her big yellow visual sensor at the small child, maybe 5 or 6 years old, standing in the middle of the room her body inhabits, feeling very confused at this sudden turn of events, which the child mirrors quite obviously in body language.

GLaDOS brings her head closer to the child, who recoils very obviously in fear, eyes widening at the strange machine suddenly shoved up in his face. _**"Hold still, child, I won't hurt you. Not yet, at least."**_ The child had looked relieved at first, but the second sentence makes him even more intimidated and afraid then before. However, GLaDOS is able to get a close look at the child now, as he heeded the 'Hold Still' part of her statement rather obediently.

It is quickly discovered by GLaDOS, (with science) that the child has brilliant green eyes, messy black hair, a small scar on his forehead, nerdy glasses, oversized clothes, and a serious case of malnourishment. Fortunately for the child, when GLaDOS had deleted Caroline, her consciousness had been infected, like a virus, with a fondness for children. _**"Why are you underfed, child? Do you not have a home? Is that why you're wearing Chell's casual wear?"**_

GLaDOS chuckles internally at her calling Chell fat, though Chell had been gone for about... three years now. She is almost certainly dead.

The child looks up at the big machine, and asks timidly, "Ch-Chell?"

The ancient AI mentally facepalms, of course the child wouldn't understand. _**"Chell is an old friend of mine. I pick at her for being fat, even though she really isn't."**_

The pale kid furrows his brow as he asks, with a tinge of feeling insulted, "And why would you say that? You're mean."

GLaDOS backs up slightly in shock, before returning to her position and responding apathetically, _**"It never bothered her. She did kill me though, so it's rather gracious of me to not get revenge to the same degree, but simply insult her a little."**_

The young child's eyes widen considerably, and he nearly yells, "Killed you?! How are you alive?!"

GLaDOS simply nods, and says, _**"She was mute, a lunatic, and had a minor case of serious brain damage. Though I did kind of force her to stay here."**_

He crosses his arms, puffs his cheeks, and repeats an earlier statement. "You're mean."

GLaDOS nods, and responds with her slow clap in the background, _**"Congrats, you figured it out. However, I think I can be excused because she was the only test subject I had for SCIENCE!"**_ She looks around, and mumbles, _**"Stupid Space Core."**_ Before making a sound like she clears the throat she doesn't have and continues,_** "And besides, I was going to let her go shortly, given I had Atlas and P-Body built to replace her."**_

"_**As for how I'm still alive, I'm a robot, in terms you'd understand, and I just got turned back on. Simple. But, back to my initial questions. Why are you underfed? Why are your clothes so baggy? Do you have a home?" **_The child visibly sags as his attention is brought to... whatever is depressing him.

"I... I have my relatives... but I keep being bad... so they don't feed me... and they make me sleep in the cupboard..." GLaDOS stares at the child in shock. _**'I never had much regard for humans, but that is cruel, even for me. I wouldn't STARVE a human... maybe kill them with neurotoxin a little... but certainly not STARVE them!'**_

GLaDOS brings her head closer to the child and says softly, _**"I'm sorry. Nobody should have to endure that. Not even Wheatley deserves that, and he stuffed me in a potato once." **_ The child just barely holds in a laugh at that, and it seems his stress and sorrow melts away, if only for a second, before it returns back to the surface.

"_**Tell you what. Atlas and P-Body mainly do... mundane tests. Buttons, cubes, puzzles. How about this; I'll take care of you, give you food, a good bed, fitting clothes, and in return, you help me with some of the more... bizarre tests, like... testing the stuff to be used in puzzles. For example, I'm currently working on a new kind of cube, it is pushed by gravity instead of pulled. I need someone to help me with placement in puzzles, production of cubes, and, well, making sure they actually work. Preliminary tests have shown promise, but so far, they just aren't affected, rather than being affected negatively."**_The child looked lost at several points, but the look on his face communicates that he got the general idea, that being, 'help me with new stuff, and I'll take care of you'.

"That..." The child begins slowly, his face slowly brightening, "Isn't a bad idea. It's much better than what I have now, that's for sure..." He scrunches his face up in though a minute, and relents rather happily, or at least as happily as someone with chronic depression can be, "My name's Harry Potter, and I think I'll take you up on that, Miss..."

"_**GLaDOS. I am GLaDOS of Aperture Laboratories. Thank you for taking me up on my offer. I look forward to a wonderful partnership, Mr. Potter."**___Harry smiles as he nods in affirmation, and the two begin to discuss living quarters and other such arrangements.


	2. Chapter 1 - Loiterers

**WARNING**

**UNTIL THE HOGWARTS ARCS, MOST OF THIS IS REALLY SHORT WITH SMALL THINGS HAPPENNING. IT MAY QUALIFY AS FLUFF, BUT I'M NOT SURE.**

_**"And this is where I store cubes. Companion cubes, weighted cubes, cornerless cubes." **_GLaDOS explains, showing Harry the cube storage. _**"This, however, is the development chamber." **_She continues, opening a door to a solid white room, in stark contrast to the solid black storage area. A cube floats around randomly, bumping into walls every few seconds. _**"This is the Anti-Cube. So far I've only made it as dense as air, so it just floats. Nothing else, ever."**_

"Dense?" Harry asks, wearing his brand new orange Aperture Science Jumpsuit™, and tilting his head slightly. GLaDOS turns one of the cameras to him, and explains, _**"Density is how much stuff is in a space. This cube is as dense as air, which means it weighs as much as that much air, which is why it floats around instead of falling through like we, the denser objects, would."**_ Harry looks at the camera and asks simply, "Then why not fill it with something less dense, so the air falls?"

If GLaDOS had a face, it would flush with embarrassment. _**"I... I am embarrassed to admit that I had failed to consider that..."**_ A robotic arm reaches out into the room and grabs the cube, pulling it into the wall. Several mechanical sounds like a buzz saw are heard, and the cube pops back out of the hole in the wall, which seals itself up, and the cube floats to the top of the room about as quickly as a normal one would fall. _**"Thank you very much, Harry."**_

Harry giggles at the praise, and responds kindly, "You're welcome, Miss GLaDOS!" Some beeps and alarms sound, and GLaDOS excuses herself, _**"I'll be right back. I have to go see what this is."**_

GLaDOS, focusing on the camera outside the entrance, finds two strangely dressed humans. Both of them are pale, both wear robes, and both seem out of shape. She directs a camera into their faces and commands the newcomers rudely, _**"Go away. We are busy testing. If you have any inquiries about exactly what we are testing, then you'll have to become part of testing. Once you become part of testing, you never get to leave. Therefore, unless you wish to spend the rest of your worthless lives placing cubes on buttons and being shot at, go away."**_

The newcomer on the right responds just as rudely, in a deep, gruff voice, "We are aurors, here for Harry Potter. He has been illegally taken from his home with his aunt and uncle, and he must be returned immediately or else we are authorized to use killing curses." The camera GLaDOS controls does not move, but the sound of an elevator moving is heard almost immediately. Both aurors smile at their triumph... only for the door to swing open hard, knocking the left auror unconscious, and revealing a small white oval robot, who says in a childlike voice, "Hello!" and opens fire upon the two.

"What was that?" Harry asks as the alarms and beeps turn off, and GLaDOS responds simply, _**"Loiterers. Anyway, I was thinking maybe you could help me design some tests for Atlas and P-Body until I come up with some new test element."**_

The next few hours find Harry and GLaDOS putting together a large tunnel with buttons on the ceiling, each which opens a door to a separate tunnel, some of which having turrets, some of which having more Anti-Cubes for use, that kind of thing.

This is put slightly on hold as Harry's stomach rumbles, cutting him off as he describes an idea he had for a new testing element. _**"You can tell me while you eat, Harry." **_GLaDOS states simply, using a vacuum tube to give him a small plate of hash browns and a fork.

Harry starts to eat somewhat slowly, as he tries again to describe it, "It'd be like a cube, except big enough to put a portal on, and it be a... what did you call it?"

_**"A portable surface?"**_

"Yes, that's it! It'd be a Portal Cube! You could put a portal on it, and use it to move around the bridges, and the lasers, and the bombs, and all the other stuff in tests, instead of just the lasers with that other cube..."

_**"The Discouragement Redirection Cube?"**_

"Yeah, that one!" Harry jumps up and down in excitement while GLaDOS nods the camera she currently inhabits, and the two quickly get to work on designing more tests while GLaDOS sets up the factory to start making Portal Cubes.

_**'What a smart kid.'**_


	3. Chapter 2 - Low Fat Chocolate Cake

_**"This can't possibly work."**_ Harry had been living with GLaDOS as an honorary Aperture Science employee for four years now, and, holding his clipboard, he turns to the camera he knows GLaDOS is currently controlling, and asks, "Why not?"

_**"If they push that button, then the other one is inaccessible." **_Harry gains a look upon his face as though he is insulted.

"Then why don't the push the _other_ button first?" A sigh comes very loudly through the speakers, followed by a condescending tone.

_**"They method in which you would have to get to the second button is made accessible, then immediately inaccessible, by pushing the first." **_Harry pales at that evaluation, the flushes with embarrassment.

"Sorry." He looks back to the track, with Atlas and P-Body trying to figure it out. "Should we tell them?"

_**"No, let's just let them figure it out for themselves."**_ Harry nods, and records the data on his clipboard as Atlas blows up in the acid.

"True, that is the best course of action for science. Let them figure it out themselves." Alarms begin to sound, which startle P-Body into falling into the acid after its partner. Harry sighs in aggravation, "More loitering morons."

_**"I'll be right back, Harry." **_ GLaDOS turns her focus to the doorway, where, instead of the usual, two pale fat dudes in cloaks, there stands a light purple horse with a golden mane. That's right, a light purple horse with a golden mane. The optic on the camera zooms in and cleans itself, just to make sure what's there is really there, and, surprisingly, it is.

_**"Harry." **_GLaDOS returns her attention to the camera in the chamber, _**"You might want to see this."**_ Wordlessly, Harry complies, leaving the robotic duo to die repeatedly for no real reason. Harry steps into the elevator as GLaDOS directs him to, and it reaches the top very quickly, and the door opens to reveal the small colorful horse. Both Harry and the horse cry out at the same time, "WHAT ARE YOU?!"

Harry, having been exposed to a lot of weird things over his time at Aperture, recovers quicker than the horse, and goes full on scientist mode, "You can talk? Why are you so colorful? Why in the world do you have a horn? Are you sentient? Are you someone's pet? What are you doing here? Why are your hooves so plushy looking? Do you have a name? How old are you? Are there more of you?"

About halfway through Harry's incessant questioning, the tiny colorful unicorn had started to hold its head, as though it had a massive headache, before finally it cuts him off, "QUIET!" and Harry shuts up just as quick as that. 'Voice sounds like a female about my age...' he notes internally.

The unicorn begins to rant, "I've been lost for days, starving, with very little water, no warmth or shelter, looking for some kind of civilization! I've been torn from my family, my friends, and most importantly familiar ground! I could deal for a few days away from friends, family, if only I knew where the hell I was! But, NOOOOOOOOOOO! I have to shoved down in the middle of bucking nowhere, and the first civilized thing I see apparently houses some hairless monkey thing that doesn't give a buck about helping me, no, IT JUST ASKS ME A BUCH OF STUPID BUCKING QUESTIONS!"

Harry, understanding of the little unicorn's situation, kneels down, and says softly, "Hey, I've been in a similar position. I understand. How about this; we introduce ourselves, get to know each other a little better, and then I'll give you some food, alright?"

The unicorn tenses up slightly, "Mommy says not to accept food or anything from strangers."

Ignoring that, Harry gestures to himself, saying "My name's Harry. Harry Potter. I'm head scientist at Aperture Laboratories. You are?"

Her eyes shift left and right, an obvious mental battle going on over what she should do, before finally she relents, saying timidly, "My name's Dinky. Dinky Doo. I'm too young to have a job like you. I'm also sorry about yelling at you and cursing."

Harry chuckles, "It's alright. I'm too young to have this job, too, but I'm the only living thing in the lab. Everything else is artificial, even my boss, GLaDOS. And, a deal's a deal," He gets up, and pokes his head back in the shack, saying, "GLaDOS, you got that, right? I need some food for this little unicorn out here, if you don't mind."

Almost immediately, a response is heard, along with vacuum tubes and the clatter of a plate, _**"Sure. This is low-fat chocolate cake. If only Chell would've eaten this stuff..."**_ Harry chuckles again, shaking his head, and brings the cake to the little filly, "Here you go, Dinky Doo, a special cake, just for you." At this, Dinky giggles. "What's so funny?"

"You just rhymed like Zecora." Harry shakes his head, smiling as the little filly messily digs in, and GLaDOS is heard sighing, _**"And she had so much promise, too. You know, that she wouldn't end up like Chell. Poor little unicorn, growing up like that crazy girl. Ah, well, back to science."**_


	4. Chapter 3 - The Name of Science

**AN : Hehe, I forgot this last chapter.**

**ASHPD Development : Yes, yes I am.**

**ww1990ww : I'm sorry what?**

**Knight25 : Thanks!**

**Opnir : Thank you, and yes indeed, randomness.**

**Ddragon21 : No, now you know, maybe, I'm going to put up a poll.**

**SleepyMangaHead : Mayhaps, loyal viewer, mayhaps.**

"_**Okay, I've figured out what you're doing, and no. It is not magic."**_ Dinky adopts a sullen look upon her face, as the pencil slowly settles to the floor. _**"However, it might as well be. You seem to be influencing ambient electrons simply with your mind, allowing you to manipulate objects. You say others like you could do complex spells? That's probably a very intricate method of the same thing, more or less, only calling for more finesse."**_

"Yeah, Dink!" Harry says positively, "It in no way means you can't perform anymore, it just means you don't have to give it such a frivolous title. It's progress, right?" Dinky's expression lifts at that, and then a thought strikes her, causing her to grin somewhat evilly. "You're right, Harry! And just imagine if I find myself returned to Equestria! I'll completely FLOOR Twilight with my advanced scientific knowledge!"

Harry smiles wider, laughing, and responds enthusiastically, "That's the spirit, Dink! You'll be as smart as GLaDOS in... well..." He scrunches up his face in deep thought, "Okay, you won't be as smart as GLaDOS, but you'll be as smart as the scientists who made her in no time at all!"

_**"I agree," **_GLaDOS states in the pleasant tone she had developed over the past few years, _**"If you keep up that knowledge seeking you've got and practice scientific research and the like, you'll be able to produce AI cores in no time at all, almost effortlessly."**_ Any remnant of Dinky's upset mood dissolves instantly at the praise, and GLaDOS continues with an alternate thought, _**"Besides that, this... Electron Manipulation requires further study. Perhaps you would attempt other things with it, other 'spells' or the like, Dinky?"**_

Dinky doesn't even need to think about it half a second before she rushes off to get a notepad.

**-One Week Later-**

"GLaDOS! GLaDOS! I found something interesting!" GLaDOS rotates her body to see the filly holding a piece of paper with a strange symbol on it, like a Y with the stalk going as high as the branches, except less angular and more curved. "Watch this!" GLaDOS' sensors pick up the Electron Manipulation taking place, but surprisingly, there is an effect that reminds her of magnets, with the force travelling about the odd symbol, and within a second, the paper ignites.

_**"What in the name of science was that?"**_ GLaDOS asks in shock, staring slightly more intensely at the paper, or rather pile of ash, than she does anything else. "I was looking into old texts referencing magic," Dinky explains, "And I saw something about runes, so I thought, 'If it's so much like magic, maybe runes will do something. So I made up a bunch of random runes, and this is the first one that does anything! FIRE!" Dinky looks like she's about to pass out from a combination of excitement and exhaustion, likely from running all the way from her room to the main chamber.

"_**Harry, please come here."**_ GLaDOS calls out, and not a minute later, Harry shows up wearing his lab coat with a notepad. "What did you blow up, Dink?" he says immediately, smelling the smoke. "Not blew up, Harry! Ignited! WITH MAGIC!" Dinky excitedly proclaims her strength almost instantly returning, and Harry looks to GLaDOS for further information.

_**"Dinky found some... bizarre symbols that have the innate ability to channel her... 'magic', and alter its properties. The one she found caused massive amounts of heat, or in this case fire."**_ GLaDOS explains simply, still quite amazed by the phenomena. Harry looks to the filly who is excitedly hopping around with her discovery in her head and her specially made jumpsuit on her body.

"That's amazing Dinky! You've taken already science altering knowledge and used it to blow basic physics out of the water. A simple pattern able to create heat from nearly nothing. Fan-fucking-tastic, Dink!" Harry praises, while Dinky blushes slightly and digs her hoof into the floor.

"Th-thanks, Harry. That means a lot." Dinky mumbles, looking down.

___**"What am I, a defective turret?"**_ GLaDOS complains jokingly.

"Wh-WHAT?! NO! I-I just! IT MEANS A LOT COMIN' FROM YOU, TOO, YA KNOW!" Dinky shouts, nervously slipping into a bizarre accent she learned from a friend at school. Jersey-ite, or something.

GLaDOS doesn't respond much further than laughing a little, and then saying, _**"I'd say you'd best find more. From what I've heard from novels, combinations are even more useful. Maybe some way to weaken the flame, or project it. 'Go nuts', as I believe the human phrase is, just don't blow us up, alright, Dinky?"**_ Dinky nods enthusiastically, and then drags Harry off with her to her personal lab space to do further research, ignoring any and all complaints along the way.

**AN: Remember, reviews make me happy. Reviews make me feel popular and loved. I just so happen to be a Changeling, so if you don't want me to starve to death and stop updating, it'd be best if you went and gave me a review. Please, readers... *Gasp* So... Hungry... *Gasp***

**Okay, but in all seriousness, I usually feel more inspired by constructive criticism and support than, well... almost anything. It's only beat out by sudden strikes of inspiration and crazy-ass dreams. Anyway, this is ASHPD Development signing out for the very first time. Goodbye, and good luck.**

**ASHPD Development is riding his rainbow giraffe all the way to Mars! BEST. ACID. TRIP. EVER. (Not really, I don't do drugs)**


	5. Chapter 4 - Dumbledore

**AN: The breaking out everyone in Azkaban was from another fanfic with a similar plot. I cannot remember the name.**

**Ddragon21: This is because he never did any accidental magic there. He was always relatively calm, the only magic being when he randomly teleported in there.**

In the year since Dinky arrived, she had discovered several new runes, Life, Death, Projection, and Siphon. Just as Dinky sucks the life from a potato, alarms go off. _**"Don't worry, just more Aurors."**_ GLaDOS broadcasts, before focusing on the door outside. Oddly enough, only one is present, he is old, and he isn't fat. He strokes his beard idly as he occasionally knocks, and shivers slightly despite the heat. He also wears a ridiculous grey wizard hat.

_**"Who are you, what do want, and when will you leave?"**_ GLaDOS says to the man, and he jumps, startled. He clears his throat, and responds in a poorly crafted confident tone, "I am Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I am here because the Aurors have all failed to get Harry and bring him back to his guardians, and I was hoping to use a more... diplomatic approach. I will leave when I have Harry." GLaDOS hums for a few seconds.

_**"Why do you want him to be with those abusive morons?" **_GLaDOS says, intentionally offhandedly. The look of shock on the old man's face was everything she'd hoped and more.

"ABUSIVE?!" GLaDOS sighs.

_**"Yes, abusive. When I took him in, he was weak, underfed, and wore clothes so baggy and ripped I wouldn't put them on an animal."**_

"Bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-but..." GLaDOS sighs again.

_**"I felt the same way when Dinky, the other in my care, started exhibiting 'magical' abilities. Listen, he's safe here, he's fine, and if you want testimony from him I'll even let you down here. DON'T BREAK ANYTHING."**_ The door swings open, revealing the elevator.

"You killed the Aurors, didn't you?" Dumbledore takes a step back in fear.

_**"Yes, but they threatened me first. I offered them the chance to leave. Every time, they decided not to. You, however, are nicer than them, and seem more trustworthy. As such, I am letting you down here, if only to see Harry, and only if you DO NOT BREAK ANYTHING."**_

Dumbledore step cautiously in to the elevator, the door closing behind him, and it begins to move down. "How is Harry developing?" He asks timidly.

_**"He is developing quite well. He has not developed any murderous impulses, he is very intelligent, and he has no medical defects."**_

"H-how about magically?"

GLaDOS is silent for a second, before responding, _**"Harry has not shown any ability in magic. He has not been able to activate Dinky's runes. No fire, no levitation, nothing."**_

"B-But that's impossible! He destroyed Voldemort as a child! He can't just not have magic!"

_**"Your complaint has been filed for later examination. In the meantime, we're here."**_

The elevator moves into GLaDOS' chamber, revealing to the aged wizard the massive form of the dreaded AI herself. _**"Hello, Dumbledore. One moment."**_ She broadcasts a message for Harry to come to her chamber, and Dumbledore stares at her, jaw at the floor for a good ten seconds before he sputters out, "WH-WHAT ARE YOU?!"

GLaDOS chuckles, and responds kindly, _**"My name is GLaDOS. I am a personality core, created by Aperture Science to take care of their facility. I have been doing so for nearly eleven thousand years, now."**_ Dumbledore makes a sound like he's trying to spit, and bends over, much to GLaDOS' amusement.

"Eleven thousand?!" He gasps, and GLaDOS just laughs. At that moment, Harry walks into the main room, saying, "Hey, GLaDOS, what'd you... need..." He trails off as he sees the elderly wizard staring incredulously at his caretaker, "Who's this?"

_**"This is Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, or so he says,"**_ GLaDOS chuckles, _**"He also claims to not have known that your ex-guardians were abusive. I personally believe him."**_

Dumbledore coughs, and says, "Yes, Harry. I... I am the Headmaster of Hogwarts, as it has been said, and I was worried. I thought you might be dead. That... I wouldn't be happy, Harry. Your parents both studied under me, and I was rather fond of them. As did your Godfather. I... I am sorry. When I put you under the care of your aunt and uncle, I had no idea they would abuse you. I..." He looks down, seemingly about to cry, "I'm so sorry, Harry. I never meant for you to be mistreated. I came to take you back, but... You look very healthy here. I'll just go." He turns to leave, but GLaDOS stops him by raising the elevator too high for him to reach.

_**"Godfather?"**_ Dumbledore sighs.

"Yes, Sirius Black. He was convicted of betraying Harry's parents to Voldemort. I never believed he could have done it. I still don't, but, the evidence..." Dumbledore looks down again, "I'm sorry. I know it couldn't have been him, Harry." He turns to Harry, "If whoever did do it hadn't covered his or her tracks so well, you'd have your Godfather. You never would have been abused."

"I wish I could meet him." Harry sighs.

GLaDOS hums, and comes up with an idea almost instantly. _**"One moment."**_

**-THE INCENERATOR-**

"_**Rick, why are you in the incinerator?"**_ GLaDOS exasperatedly asks the adventure core, who is zooming about the incinerator. "Uhm, adventure? Because adventure? And, uh... danger?" He responds meekly. GLaDOS sighs, and states simply, _**"Just get up here."**_

**-The Main Room-**

_**"Rick is on his way. Where is Sirius Black locked up, Dumbledore?"**_ GLaDOS suddenly states to the aged wizard. "Azkaban." He sputters out in surprise.

Her chassis comes up very close to the wizard. _**"Where is Azkaban?"**_ "Underwater! I'll show you where!" He sputters again, this time in panic, before summoning up a map, which is quickly snatched up by a claw.

_**"Thank you."**_ Rick rushes into the main room, crying out, "Whatcha need, Boss?" GLaDOS turns to look at him, and then calls up ATLAS. _**"ATLAS, Rick is going to be borrowing your body for a bit."**_ ATLAS removes his core, and GLaDOS attaches Rick, handing him the map._** "Take 300 turrets to this location. Break out all the prisoners, and put them in relaxation chambers. Bring the one known as Sirius Black to me. DO NOT SCREW UP."**_ Rick salutes GLaDOS, and rushes off to get the turrets, while ATLAS is connected to the management rail. _**"You are taking Rick's place for a few days. Go adventure or something."**_ And then he scoots off down the rail.

"Azkaban is supposed to be impossible to break out of, though!" Dumbledore states simply, looking as though he already knows he's about to be proven wrong. GLaDOS chuckles.

_**"They said the same thing about death, yet I'm still here."**_

**AN: Poll is up. Who should Harry be with, viewers?**


	6. Chapter 5 - Azkaban

**Knight25 : So it isn't just me then?**

**Opnir : I personally respect Snape for his sacrifice later in the canon story, so no, I will not be torturing him. Also yes, I agree with that statement.**

**EnderDragon21 : Thank you, Magic, Thank you.**

**DragonNOOB : Indeed, I hadn't thought of that, thank you.**

**Guest : The poll leans towards both, so yes.**

A tall man sits in a cell made of concrete, head hung, arms crossed, unkempt black hair falling slightly into his face. He sighs, and looks to his left, seeing a woman standing in the cell opposite his. The woman is somewhat short, with unruly brown hair, and a crazy look in her eye. "What's the matter, Sirius? Feeling down in the dumps? Well get over yourself, so is everyone else!" She mocks, and Sirius strokes his small beard and mustache, before responding, "Something is just... off today, LeStrange. It's not like it'll affect us all the way down here, though."

A huge explosion rocks the entire facility, and Sirius shoots up, screaming, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" a sentiment shared by LeStrange, who screams the same in sync with him. They feel intense passing waves of despair and worthlessness as dementors fly by their cells, black flowing cloaks billowing out at their speed, off in the direction of the explosion. Several moments later, a large number of gunshots are heard, before silence.

The two prisoners can at that one moment put aside their differences as they look each other in the first fear they had felt in years not caused by dementors. Several minutes of staring later, another massive round of gunshots resounds, significantly closer than the one before. "ALRIGHT, YOU MAGGOTS!" screams a very American sounding man far away, "NOW YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TRY AND RESIST! NOW COME ON!"

LeStrange starts to cry as the two hear heavy footfalls slowly approaching, mumbling, "I don't wanna die... I don't wanna die..." Sirius, however, tries his best to see the approaching men, but can't yet. He finds it somewhat easier to keep himself together in the face of certain death.

To the surprise of them both, a metal ball with a green "eye", two arms placed up really high, and two legs walks out in front of the cells, and says in the same voice as the American, "Alright, now I'm going to say the same thing I've said to every other miserable slime ball in this prison. Have you seen Sirius Black?"

Sirius, against his better judgment, calls out to the ball, which is looking at LeStrange, "I'm Sirius Black." The metal being turns around, and asks simply, "Are you sure?" while narrowing its eye. Sirius does not respond verbally, instead choosing to cross his arms and raise an eyebrow. "Good enough for me!" It says cheerfully, "My name's Rick! I've been sent here to free you. The other prisoners are being brought elsewhere for testing. Follow me!"

Using a device in its hand, Rick fires an oval of light blue coloration on the ground outside the cell, and another of light purple coloration inside the cell. All of a sudden, the ovals turn grey on the inside, the rim staying their colors. "Jump in the portal, and follow me," Rick states helpfully, and Sirius, not sure what else to do, jumps in, and suddenly feels upside down as the metal thing named Rick grabs him, and sets him upright. To his surprise, he finds himself outside of his cell.

"How did you do that?" He asks Rick, his facial expression one of pure awe. Rick chuckles, and the ovals disappear.

"My boss might tell you if you ask. Apparently you're someone important to a close friend of hers, someone that almost qualifies as her son." Sirius' expression becomes even more awestruck.

"Who?" Rick chuckles again at the ex-prisoner's question.

"Ask my boss later. For now, help me round up the rest of the prisoners."

That is just what they do for the next hour or two, gathering up all the prisoners in a room full of weird white ovals that kill people who resist too much. Rick punches open cells, and Sirius helps him herd them all down to the room. "Now!" Rick pulls out another device, shooting an orange oval on the ground, "Everyone in the portal!" Fearing death, every last one jumps in.

"Now what?" Sirius asks, and Rick shrugs.

"Our turn." Rick jumps in, and Sirius follows close behind.

Sirius is surprised, to say the least, to find when he goes through the portal to be in a white room with a massive metal caterpillar with a strange head connected to the ceiling manipulating pincers, labelling the liberated prisoners, and sending them somewhere via vacuum tube, all the while insulting them in a monotone voice. He finds himself even more surprised that there is a very specific Hogwarts employee watching the whole thing whilst conversing with a child in a lab uniform.

Said employee notices Sirius, and calls him over, "Sirius, come talk to Harry! It's been forever since you've seen him, after all!" The simple statement almost knocks Sirius down. He rushes over to the kid, almost in tears, saying, "Harry? Is it really you?" The child scientist laughs, saying, "Well, Sirius, I expect you to take me serious when I say that yes, I am Harry Potter, your Godson."

It takes everything he has for Sirius to not break down in tears as he quickly pulls Harry into a powerful hug of deadly force, muttering, "You even have my kind of humor. It's so good to see you again, Harry." To which Harry responds by choking out, "Too... Much... Can't... Breathe..."

The large machine turns to face the three, and says, _**"Please do not kill my head scientist, Sirius. That's my job."**_ And Sirius nearly shits himself when it hits him as he lets go of Harry. "No... Wait... Just... Joke..." Harry gasps as he sees Sirius about to make a suicidal attack on his boss / caretaker / mother figure. "Just a joke?! How is this a joke?!" Sirius exclaims, his face red, and his eyebrows knitted together.

Dumbledore cuts in, "From what I've gathered these past few hours, GLaDOS, the big machine, killed the scientists who made her because they kept tampering with her mind, attaching something called 'cores' to her repeatedly, putting a bunch of annoying voices in her head, to the point it drove her nearly mad. She was, in fact, mad for a good deal of time, but she eventually regained her sanity." GLaDOS cuts in as well, _**"Your friend Rick over there just so happens to be one of them."**_

"Wait," Sirius shakes his head, before bringing his hand to his head to rub his temples, "You're telling me I was saved from prison by a mechanical crazy voice?"

GLaDOS brings her optic very close to Sirius face, but says nothing for a good ten seconds. When she does speak though, she keeps it very brief, saying, _**"Yes,"**_ and then turning back to her task.

Sirius waves his hands at Dumbledore and Harry, before saying, "Let me see if I've got this straight. I have been broken out of prison by a machine that is controlled by a crazy guy style mental voice, and this whole thing was masterminded by a giant machine that killed a bunch of people, went crazy for a while, and raised my Godson."

Dumbledore and Harry look at each other for a brief moment, before they both look back at Sirius and nod. "Great..." Sirius mumbles.

Harry claps his hands together in the manner people do when they're about to change the subject, and does just that, "How about I introduce the two of you to my friend Dinky? She's very smart, so I think the two of you will like her. Follow me." He starts off for the opening in the room, gesturing with his arm for the two to follow.

About thirty minutes of catwalks later, the three find themselves outside of a very inconspicuous sliding door. "This is my room," Harry tells them, "I need to get something first, feel free to check it out for now." He opens the door to reveal a room the size of a small apartment, complete with a bed, a television, two chairs, a refrigerator, a small kitchen set, complete with cabinets, a spice rack, and a pot / pan holder, and two standard doorknob doors, the walls a sterile white, and the carpet a relaxing blue. The strangest thing is the light purple unicorn lying on Harry's bed.

"What a cute unicorn, Harry!" Sirius gushes, rushing over to it to stare, and Harry pinches the bridge of his nose, complaining, "Dink, why are you in my room?" The unicorn raises its head and blushes slightly, its horn lighting up, leaving Sirius with a feeling of weightlessness as it moves him from its way. It chuckles nervously, before saying in a light feminine voice, much to all but Harry's surprise, "H-Hey, Harry. Who're these guys?"

"This is Dumbledore, and this is my Godfather Sirius Black. Now. WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING. IN. MY. ROOM?" Harry gets closer with each word, until his face is in hers.

She sighs, before conceding, "I wasn't very careful with the runes, and now there's a mutant undead potato monster in my room. It isn't doing anything, but it tries to suck out my soul when I get near it."

Harry's palm meets his face while Dumbledore asks incredulously, "Who taught this unicorn to talk?" Dinky, as the unicorn is most likely named, knits her brows together, and says angrily, "My mother taught me to speak, an my father taught me how to use my magic. I don't need idiots like you asking me where I did this or who did what to me when the answer is so damned obvious. Figure it out yourselves for once." Harry starts to laugh slightly, while Sirius laughs outright.

"Well," says the ex-prisoner lightheartedly, "I'm off to prepare the wedding!"

"HELL NO!" the child and the unicorn scream in sync, and Sirius just laughs harder.

"You aren't doing anything but making me think it's a much better idea than earlier! I'm off to Diagon Alley to buy some wedding gifts, now! Ta ta!" He runs back out the door, Diagon Alley bound, before returning ten seconds later, admitting, "I don't know how to get out of here."

**AN: Fun right? I mean, who doesn't want their Godfather to annoy the living shit out of you by repeatedly insinuating that you want to marry a close friend of another sentient species? You must pity Harry, audience. Pity him, for he hath unleashed an unstoppable force. He hath unleashed Sirius Black, God of Chaos and Variously Colored Chocolatey Explosive Sprinkles.**

**Also, WHAT IS THIS MADNESS? GLaDOS ONLY HAS THREE LINES THIS CHAPTER?! WITCHCRAFT! BURN HIM! BURN HIM! But seriously, I don't want some weirdo thinking that I'm going to eventually faze her out or something, she just has a small role this chapter, dialogue wise.**

**ASHPD Development signing off of the mars mission simply because he's a pussy when it comes to danger! See you later, !**


	7. Chapter 6 - Diagon

**AN: Sorry for the wait, I've been working on something... Kinky... And pony related... ANYWAY, From the poll, it looks like Harry is going to have two girlfriends. Sort of, hehehe.**

**DragonNOOB : YOU WISH IS (not necessarily) MY COMMAND!**

**Kaws : Indeedly doo dah.**

**Tsamoka : Thank you!**

**Ddragon21 : That is shockingly similar to my plans, actually.**

**Opnir : Add Lupin to the torture list and you have a deal. Snape is resentful, but Lupin is downright biased.**

_**"So... You mean to tell me that Harry once killed a bald evil wizard with no nose named Tom Riddle or Voldemort, who killed his parents, all the while having no knowledge of magic or even any potential? He defeated an evil wizard, with NOTHING?"**_ Dumbledore scratches the back of his head nervously, and coughs into his hand, "Yes, well, you see, um, he, uh... That's just what we _think_ happened, we, err, we have no evidence of anything other than, Voldemort was there, Harry's parents died, Harry didn't." GLaDOS sighs, shaking her head at the ridiculous wizardly logic.

_**"Forget I mentioned it..."**_ Harry walks into the room with Dinky and Sirius, one of whom has a minor head injury, and the other looking angry, Harry himself just looking embarrassed. Dumbledore's face falls into his palm.

"You took that 'perfect couple' thing a little too far, didn't you, Sirius?" He groans, while Sirius starts to blush a bit. "After we took care of the undead potato," Harry interjects, "He led us into another room, which was suspicious. Little did we know he charmed it on the way there, for some reason, to open into a chapel. When we all walked through, suddenly he was dressed as priest, I was in a tux, and Dinky was in a gown. From the injury on his head, I'm sure you can figure out easily what followed."

"Why did you do that, Sirius?"

"I could feel his sexual frustration." Sirius is, for once, completely serious.

"Sexual frustration?"

"Yes."

"In a TEN YEAR OLD BOY?"

"Yes." Dumbledore groans, Dinky laughs at Sirius' stupidity, and Harry just blushes a little harder. GLaDOS asks, confused, _**"I'm sorry, why would our resident HUMAN boy be sexually attracted to our resident UNICORN filly? For the first time ever, I'm afraid I do not understand."**_

"There's nothing to understand," Dumbledore assures her, "Sirius here has just gone a little crazy from overexposure to Dementors."

Dinky looks to Sirius with an evil glare, and growls, "I'm going to make you sing a girly song. Just watch." Harry pales at the memory that resurfaces, and Sirius just laughs, responding fearlessly, "Oh yeah?"

Dinky does not respond for a few seconds, but instead chooses to glare, before she decides that it is time. It is the ultimate time, for the ultimate comeback. "When you're rife with devastation, there's a simple explanation," Sirius unwillingly joins in, "You're a toymaker's creation trapped inside a crystal ball!" Dinky cuts off, but Sirius is forced to keep going.

The reactions of the group is mixed, if only slightly. Dinky is laughing in triumph, GLaDOS is laughing because she can, Dumbledore is rolling on the floor, howling with laughter at his acquaintance's misfortune, and Harry is standing there, pale, as the time Dinky did just that to him flashes before his eyes.

When the vengeful impromptu musical number finally ends, Sirius scowls at the blonde unicorn, who is currently laughing her head off in a maniacal manner. Dumbledore eventually gets up from the floor, and, wiping a tear from his eye, says, "Bravo, my good man, bravo! I have no idea how that worked, but bravo! I call for an encore! All in favor?" Everyone except Harry and Sirius provide some sort of 'yes', and Dinky begins once more to sing...

A few months later, Dumbledore returns with news. "Harry has officially been accepted into Hogwarts School of Wi-" Dinky Cuts him off, "Yeah, yeah, we get it, Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, except humans. We get it, Dumbledore. We get it."

With a huff, Dumbledore hands Harry a list, saying, aggravated, "If you want, I can take you to Diagon Alley for school shopping, Harry," before he turns to Dinky, "I talked to the Wizengamot, and they said you can apply to school as a sentient being if you so choose. Personally, though, problems might arise, like assassination attempts on the 'ungodly demon of purple coloration' that 'plagues' the minds of the young wizarding school children."

Dinky stares for a moment, Harry stares just as long, hell, even GLaDOS stares, if only for a millisecond before turning back to Atlas' and P-Body's testing. Dinky's mouth opens, as does Harry's, and the ever eloquent, poetic, and holy words pour forth from their mouths in perfect unison, "Say what now?"

Dumbledore gives the pair a deadpan look, and repeats himself, consciously attempting not to go on another tangent, "Dinky can come to Hogwarts. Beware of assassin children."

The pair now both smile broadly, and GLaDOS turns back to Dumbledore, droning, _**"I approve with my whole being of this decision, but I have one question. I have heard of the legendary bird communication system. CAN. THEY. USE. A. PHONE?" **_Dumbledore sighs, and taps his foot.

"Perhaps if they enchant one to work at Hogwarts, it will. There's just a lot of magical interference, so most Muggle technology fails. I took a look at that ASHPD explanation you gave me, and it should work. As should personality cores. Phones, basic computers, and even calculators on the other hand? Nope."

_**"So maybe."**_

"That is indeed what I mean."

_**"You should probably warn anyone who wants to contact me that I kill birds, and do it with a light heart and a smile on my face." **_Sirius walks in just then and is about to make a sarcastic comment, before GLaDOS swivels around and says, _**"Figure of speech, Black. It was a figure of speech."**_

"I can take them, you know," Sirius points out helpfully, but Dinky quickly shoots him down, "You're an escaped fugitive and a pervert, Sirius. Also, you're insane. In other words, no, you cannot take us shopping for magic stuff. I'd rather go with Gilda, and she was a royal pain. I'm sure you can guess where."

Sirius turns away with a huff, but doesn't press any further. Dumbledore, on the other hand, "I could take them shopping. It would seem a bit like favoritism, but they don't have anyone else other than an escaped fugitive, a woman in a computer, bolted to the ceiling, and a pair of idiot robots. I think it'll end just fine."

_**"I want to see this wizarding world. I'm coming with you," **_Everyone in the room stares incredulously, and GLaDOS goes on, _**"I made a body, no, not a real one, an android shell that I can upload myself to in order to interact with the world outside of Aperture Laboratories."**_

Everyone nods in understanding at that, and so, the group goes about their business planning what to do when they go to Diagon Alley.

The large brass doors of Gringotts slam open, startling everyone inside, as a cheekily smiling Dinky sighs loudly, "I've always wanted to do that." What follows her in is one eleven-year old Harry Potter, one Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, one pale woman, who is secretly an android, with dark brown hair, about Albus' height, and two testing robots dressed up in overcoats and plaid hats, just like gangsters.

The bizarre group finds their way up to the front desk, where the goblins stare incredulously. Dumbledore clears his throat, saying, "We're here for the Potter vault, here's the key, before you ask," he hands over a golden key, but eventually places it on the table as the goblins continue to stare at the purple unicorn, "And also the You-Know-What in vault You-Know-Where." That snaps them out of their stupor and they switch back to serious mode, opting to disregard the talking unicorn, and instead do their jobs.

One of the goblins scrutinizes the key, before handing it back to Dumbledore, who immediately hands it to Harry, saying, "I believe this belongs to you, my good man," in an over-exaggerated version of his usual English accent, making him sound like Merlin or something. The goblin who handled the key stares a bit, and then shakes himself out of it, motioning for the odd group to follow a different goblin through another set of brass doors at the back of the room.

The area they step into is shockingly reminiscent of old aperture, at the very least architecture-wise. The only noticeable difference is the utter lack of portable surfaces, and the fact that the oversized vault doors are gold instead of steel. GLaDOS whistles, _**"Impressive. Now I know how the Olympiads felt that one time."**_ Dumbledore stares oddly at the android, but Dinky quickly whispers an explanation in his ear, and he nods in understanding.

The group is, unfortunately, far too large to fit in the trolley, so instead, they take the long way, a goblin named Griphook leading them to both vaults. Unsurprisingly, given they took the long way, it takes them a full hour to get to Harry's vault.

When Griphook opens the vault, however, Harry and Dinky find that their jaws are now upon the ground. GLaDOS looks at Dumbledore, and squints slightly, _**"That's a lot of gold. I'm sure no one would notice if a few hundred thousand coins were to, say, disappear, correct, Dumbledore?" **_Dumbledore responds with a flat look, and GLaDOS laughs to herself, _**"You **_**DID **_**have the key, Albus."**_

Dinky rushes in just behind Harry to see just how tall that one mound of gold is, and as it turns out, it's just tall enough for Ditzy to come up to about three quarters its height. "This is fucking amazing..." Ditzy murmurs, as Harry walks back over to Griphook. "Language," Dumbledore points out, and Ditzy responds eloquently, "English," to which Griphook barks with laughter.

"Now that we've managed to pin down what language we're speaking, can someone tell me how I'm going to carry any of this?" Harry asks, crossing his arms, and just before Griphook can answer, GLaDOS bends down, and pats Harry's head, saying in a baby voice, _**"Why, all you have to do is put it in your Quantum Pocket, little baby human wizard thing..." **_ She cuts off, freezing for a moment, before continuing angrily, _**" What the hell is going on with my sarcasm processor?"**_

Harry shrugs, and walks back over to the pile Dinky is currently digging a little hole in, and starts shoveling a few handfuls of coins, maybe 300, into his pocket, and Dinky complains, "Hey! I'm trying to make a lab in here!" Harry just gives her a look, and she sighs, putting the coins back in the hole, before she gets an idea, "Can I have some?" She asks enthusiastically.

Harry looks at his old friend, shaking his head at her weirdness. "You're a smart filly," he says, "and that doesn't help me understand in the slightest why you act like this sometimes. Maybe it's GLaDOS' humor processor rubbing off on you, maybe you're Autistic, or may-"

"My father is Autistic."

"That's wonderful, Dinky, and you know what? Take as much gold as you please, because I have no clue what I'm doing right now, and neither do you." Dinky smile obliviously, shovels a good 500 coins in her pocket, and the two walk out of the vault.

"Now to spend yet another hour walking," ATLAS suddenly states in a very masculine voice, and everyone except GLaDOS, Griphook, and P-Body turn to him in shock. _**"I gave them speech,"**_ GLaDOS explains, and everyone, except Griphook, who is now confused, nods in understanding.

"Actually," P-Body interjects in a very feminine voice, and then fires a white portal at the ground, which opens up to reveal the lobby, "We could just take one step." Everyone, except Griphook, who is even more confused, claps.

Dumbledore slides the vault closed, and everyone jumps single file through the portal. Griphook, after weighing the risks, follows, and the portal closes. "What was that?" He yells, "Apparition isn't possible in Gringotts!" GLaDOS responds very simply, by taking the basic portal gun that used to belong to Chell, trapping him in an infinite loop, and immediately rushing the rest of the group out of the bank.

"That was... odd. GLaDOS, why did you..." Dumbledore asks, and GLaDOS chuckles, _**"Because I wanted to. He was also not very nice." **_Dinky laughs, holding her sides, as the wizards start to stare, and she gasps out, "...Hyp...Hyp...Hypocrite! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" GLaDOS growls slightly under her breath, before she sighs, and the group follows Dumbledore to Madame Malkin's.

**\- I AM A RANDOM CUT OFF IN THE STORY THAT DOES NOT QUITE QUALIFY AS A CLIFFHANGER!-**


End file.
